1. HB had a work function last weekend that started at 7pm. So I was a bit surprised when he went into the bathroom and started to get ready at 4pm. This is the man that takes 10 mins max to get ready even if we're going somewhere special. I couldn't help but be a little suspicious?! Upon questioning him, all I got was vaguebook answers.
I cracked the sads and the silent treatment ensued.
We went out to a Missy Higgins concert during the week and he didn't even bother ironing his shirt for that one.
2. He always puts Maggie to bed at her insistence and she was unamused that it was me doing the job that night. HB reads her a story and then lays in there until she falls asleep. I was totally prepared to do the same but after reading one story she told me to go do some washing and to please shut the door.
Third wheel much?
3. Ten minutes later and she's screaming for the $5 bunny night light I bought her in Kmart the day before. I spent 30 mins looking for that blasted bunny with her in tears the entire time.I gave in and texted HB to ask where he had put it after lunch. He took an hour to reply and then it was, 'I don't know. Check her bed'.
SO freakin' helpful.
Finally at 9.30pm she's asleep, I decided to have a shower and jump into bed and watch TV.
4. At 9.47pm, the apartment block fire alarm goes off. There are sensors in every room and the noise is deafening to say the least. Maggie wakes up and starts screaming, I'm naked and searching for clothes, my phone and the apartment keys.
Last time it happened it was a false alarm, but I am incredibly conscious of how much time I am taking and OMG what if there is a real fire?! I can hear the neighbours exiting their apartments and heading down the fire escape stairs. I go into Maggie's room and she's ripped off all her clothes and is completely naked.
I get her dressed and search for the apartment keys. Meanwhile, I'm fairly certain the fire alarm has perforated both my eardrums. Can't find the keys and text HB asking where the spare set is but there is no time to wait for a response and I grab Maggie and head down the stairs. I call him to let him know I've had to leave the apartment unlocked and it goes straight to voicemail.
5. We have to sit out on the road and wait for the fire department to turn up. All I can say is the mozzies showed up in seconds. I only had time to pull on a pair of shorts and a top, no underwear.
The mozzies discovered my butt.
HB sends a text saying he is in a cab. Thank God. The firemen show up and declare it another false alarm thanks to a faulty sensor and turn the alarm off. Maggie is thrilled her Dad is home to put her back to bed.
A croc on your head and a snake around your waist ...
What else do you have to do to win a prize these days?
If only that croc didn't have a piece of tape wrapped around its snout.
6. The next day I get the full story on why he spent hours grooming himself, it was because it was a fancy dress theme with a prize for the winner. He spent an hour shaving his head shiny bald and had wanted me to draw hibiscus flowers on top of it. WTF?! The shockingly awful Hawaiian shirt he bought in Bali got him in at third place anyway.
I know exactly where I would like to stick a hibiscus.
7. Maggie was unbearably cranky for the entire Sunday. She also pretended to be a fire alarm for 3 days straight. That was until HB headed to Brisbane for 3 days on Tuesday for a work trip and then the tears started again.
Maybe he was hoping to pick up?